Dear Parents, 

As we come to end of our first half term, I’d like to express my gratitude to all the children and staff for working so hard.  I can assure you, my staff are doing everything they can to ensure your child will meet the standards expected at the end of the year. After all, they have missed quite a lot of schooling and we are due Ofsted soon. Ofsted will want to see what measures we have put in place to plug the gaps.

So it gives enormous pleasure to announce, many children will now miss the foundation subjects in the afternoons to attend grammar, phonics and mental maths catch up programs.  It will be a long and dull day for many children but I think you’ll agree, it will be worth it for our data.

Teaching assistants will stop supporting the class teacher and teach the catch up children somewhere in the school.  We will attempt to train the teaching assistants if possible, as these intervention groups will help provide evidence for their performance management.  

We have had a lot of absences this half term. Please can I ask if your child is ill, they stay at home. I have asked teachers to plan and teach classes in school, but they will now also provide work and record videos for home learning.

If your child tests positive for Covid, let the office know, but don’t tell any of your friends. We don’t want to cause panic and encourage other parents to keep their child off. We have now stopped telling staff who has tested positive in order to avoid unnecessary anxiety – they have enough to think about trying to keep on top of my new whole school non-negotiables policies.  

Sadly, we say goodbye to three UPS teacher this half term. With the money I’ll save, I’ll be able to pay someone to decorate my office and personalise car parking spaces.  

They were excellent teachers but they couldn’t cope with my new fads I introduced and the additional workload affected their performance in the classroom. Support plans didn’t help them either I’m afraid. Their fate was sealed and there was nothing anyone could do to prevent me getting rid of them.

If you have any questions, please email your child’s teacher. They have been told to reply within two hours.  

Finally, half term test revision packs will be sent home on Friday. Children will be tested on Monday after Half term. We’re taking catch-up very seriously. So should you. It’s Ofsted year.  


Fake Headteacher 
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