Dear Parents,
As you may have heard, Reception, Year 1 and Year 6 will be returning to school soon. I have written out some frequently asked questions for your information.
My child is in reception. Will he be allowed to learn through play?
No
Will my child be allowed to sit on the carpet like they normally do?
No.
How many of my child’s friends will be attending school?
Don’t know.
Will you be able to social distance all children around the school?
No.
Will there be a full time cleaner to clean toilets, door handles and banisters?
No.
Will children be allowed to attend school on a rota system?
No. Full time.
Will lessons be the same?
No.
Will you be teaching the curriculum you’ve planned?
No.
Will children be allowed to run around with their friends at playtime?
No.
Will children be allowed to use the water fountain?
No.
Will teachers be teaching their own class?
Not sure yet.
Will the school office be open?
No.
Will you be free to meet with me to discuss some issues?
No. But we are making plans to facilitate this in the future.
Will my child have to sit on their own all day?
Yes.
Will my child’s teacher be wearing a mask and protective gloves?
Some will but not compulsory.
How will you manage children moving around the school safely?
Not sure yet.
Will it be detrimental to their overall education if I choose not to bring my child to school yet?
No.
Are you worried about the spread of coronavirus when pupils return?
Yes.
Do you think it is safe for pupils to return at the moment?
No. I don’t believe so.
So should I keep my child at home? I am confused.
So are we.
Fake Headteacher 
Just what the government wants you to think
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