Fake Headteacher: I need to see a doctor!

I’m having terrible nightmares at the moment. In my dream, I have an extremely positive conversation with staff at my new school. It’s the same conversation every night. It’s truly awful. It’s affecting my sleep. It goes something like this…

“First thing’s first. You may mark books with any colour pen. It makes no difference to learning.

Pupils can improve their work with pencil or pen, in any colour you decide. They will still improve. No need to evidence editing with a purple pen.

You can write what you like in books – or write nothing at all. As long as feedback occurs. That goes without saying; you are a teacher after all. That’s what you do all day. You must give feedback all the time!

I don’t usually carry out book scrutinies. I thought we could just share some books in a staff meeting to see what everyone else is up to. It will be great to share some good work together. I know you work hard to ensure books look nice. That’s why you like teaching. I know you’ll want pupils to present work neatly etc. It’s second nature for you. You don’t need me to give you a long set of ‘book rules’ to adhere to. It’ll be like you’re at school again… oh hang on. You know what I mean!

We do have a school reward system but you can do your own thing too as each class responds differently. Make it work for you and your class.

If ever you need me to talk to any pupil about their behaviour, please let me know. It can be tough at times and a stern, but supportive word with a pupil from me can go a long way. Please use me as your back up. You don’t need to worry. It has nothing to do with your teaching. I will phone parents for you too if needed.

If you want me to see you teach and give you any pointers on how you could improve, then great. If not, I see no reason to pop in at all. I’ll leave it up to you. Learning walks are not particularly positive experiences for anyone. You’ll just put on a show for me anyway. It’s not normal. I won’t see you naturally teach. I trust you. I assume you have a teaching qualification!

In addition, every time someone visits our school, I promise not to use it as an opportunity to carry out a learning walk. Not that I do them anyway.

Tests will be kept to a minimum and will only test content you have taught. I am not interested in giving tests just to collect data using test papers that assess parts of the curriculum not yet taught.

You know full well how to help and support children so I see no need to take you out of class to attend pupil progress meetings. I trust you to do your best. I know you will tell me if you have any concerns. You only teach pupils for a few hours a day and I fully appreciate how their home life affects their learning and overall performance. I simply refuse to hold you fully accountable if a pupil doesn’t make accelerated progress; especially if you have done your best.

I don’t do morning diary meetings. Sorry! I will write bits and bobs on the staffroom whiteboard. You can read it in your own time.

You can share the learning objective with pupils how you see fit. If you want pupils to write it fully in books you can; or even just a one word title will suffice. Type them up if you want to but there really is no need. Or, why not just write one on the white board and just have it displayed during the lesson. Pupils don’t even need to write it out then. I don’t really mind either way; it has the same impact on the learning. It’s not really up to me to tell you how to share the learning objective. Do what works for you.

Please use your display boards how you see fit. Working walls or static boards are fine with me. You know your class better than anyone. You know the level of support and visual stimulation they need. I trust you. I won’t be checking. You have loads of ideas that are way better than mine anyway!

If you want to run a club, that’s great. But, you’ll have other priorities so concentrate on those first. There’s no expectation to run clubs.

UPS staff. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sticking with teaching and continuing to set a good example to others. I value you so much. You make your job look easy but that doesn’t mean I need to give you extra responsibilities. That was never the idea. You deserve that extra bit of money. Your experience is invaluable. Thank you for challenging me and keeping me on my toes. Thank you again.

I will email you when I need to; certainly not in the evenings or at weekends. That’s the right thing to do to keep anxiety levels to a minimum.

I will allocate an inset day for report writing and four staff meetings. I know it’s not much but it should help.

We have bought in schemes for literacy and maths but if you have your own methods based on your own experience and research then please do that instead; I wouldn’t want to suffocate your own strengths and skill sets. We may ask you to use the schemes if we have concerns about your teaching however. In most cases, y

2017-19 Full blogs are now archived in the book ‘How Do You Think the Lesson Went?’

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